Why Too Kay


Why too kay. What does it mean? Is it an enigmatic question from the past about the future? or maybe you're an idiot who lives under a rock and you don't know that Y2K stands for Year 2000. Not just the next year, or even century, but the next millennium. That's 1000 years for all you high school dropouts out there, I know Atown has a lot, so bear with me here flunkies. The next millennium is right around the corner, but people have been talking about it pretty much since the last millennium. Here's what they have to say about it from dusty old french psychics, to actual scientists, to your local yocal.

The year 1999 seven month,
From the sky will come a great King of terror:
To bring back to life the great King of Angolmois, (the Mongols),
Before after Mars to reign by good luck
(Century X, Quatrain 72)
--Nostrodamus

My take: Well this is right around the corner! Sounds to me like a space ship is going to come from mars to turn us all into zombies. Yep, I give it about a 50/50 shot. B+


On January 1 (or shortly thereafter), the electricity grid will go dead. Groceries in America's refrigerators will go bad. Food distribution systems will crash and store shelves will go bare within days. Businesses will fail, either because they aren't Y2K compliant or because they are dependent on noncompliant customers and suppliers. As losses mount and companies go under, the stock market will plummet. Banks will calculate interest for negative 100 years. The government will stop issuing entitlement checks to gray-haired senior citizens when their age suddenly clicks back to -35. Panic will set in. Police dispatch systems will be crippled, and the only law will be the law of the jungle. Desperate citizens will abandon the cities to hunt for resources in rural areas. They'll come looking for the mad prophets - the Y2K survivalists - ready to plunder their food, their heat, and their communications links.
--Wired Magazine

My take: Probably not going to happen. Programmers are fixing the y2k bug as we speak. But we still better load up on TP and bullets just in case. C-


"On January 1, 2000, the world's computers will either shut down or go haywire. So will everything dependent on them....In 1999, depositors all over the world will figure this out and will pull their money out of the banks....The mother of all bank runs...will bankrupt banks all over the world...."
--Some old guy, I forget who.

My take: I'll be safe in my TP and bullet fort if this happens. But I'll be in there anyways if it doesn't because that's how I celebrate every New Years Eve! C-


Jesus is coming back after 2000 years to take the good Christian's into heaven and to cast the nonebelivers into Hell!
--Paster Whats His Face every Sunday

My take: Doubt it F-


If you divide 2000 by 3, using integer arithmetic, the answer is 666, the number of the Antichrist mentioned in the Biblical book of Revelation. This might indicate that some enormous events predicted in that book might come to pass.
--Internet

My take: I didn't do great in math, but I do have this here calculator and that's not exactly right. D-


According to the Weekly World News for 1999-DEC-14, long lost "Bethlehem Prophecies" predict that one half of the earth's surface will vanish under water in the blink of an eye. The cause may be a meteor or comet hitting one of the world's oceans. This would produce earthquakes, tidal waves, and a rapid rise in sea level.
--Weekly World Newst

My take: I've never ever ever know the Weekly World News to be incorrect. So This must be true! But I'm going to have to get a second opinion from Bat Boy. A-


Aliens. It's definitely going to be aliens.
--Big Biff Bebop

My take: Biff's always right. My money's on Biff! A+


In July 2000, the moon Phobos will have been displaced from its orbit around Mars by a passing comet and will strike Earth.
--Melody Mehta

My take: Seems like a pretty fat chance for intergalacit pingpong to hit us. Maybe we should construct a really big pingpong paddle to protect us! B-


A cosmic storm will hit the earth at this time. Winds of 1,000 miles per hour and tremendous swings in temperature will kill millions.
--Edgar Cayce

My take: I don't know, seems reasonable. B-